Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
