Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
