I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
