no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
