K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Less talking, more tequila
It's blow job season.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
