Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
