my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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