Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
