yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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