why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
