i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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