that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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