I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
