after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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