Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Who died my cat blue again?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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