I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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