I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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