is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
