we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
