I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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