People with herpes should wear stickers.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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