Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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