Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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