i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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