I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
