My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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