next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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