I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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