Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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