So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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