very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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