Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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