sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
