My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
