so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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