Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
