Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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