I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize