census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize