I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I puked a lego.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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