can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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