Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
