I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
