Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
