it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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