if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
