you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize