Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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