So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
