I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Everyone says I win the strip club
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
