Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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