mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
