I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
