how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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