I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
