so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize