Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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