yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
