This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
