dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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