i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize