Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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