$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
