a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
