Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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