how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Actions speak louder than pants.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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