There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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