I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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