super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
