it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
