You just made me feel so damn special
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
