So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
