Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
