One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
