I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
