if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
